I am a mother, not a martyr. I chose the life that I live for the benefit of the entire family. I get asked all the same questions or receive the same statements all the time:
Do I miss working? No.
Too bad you gave up your career to be home. Nope, didn’t give up anything.
Don’t you miss being around adults all the time? No.
You must be exhausted having a young one and being home all the time. Yes.
Now that you have children you have to give up your entire life to take care of them to be a great mom. No, I don’t. I am a great mom who still has choices and a life beyond being a mother.
Some people think you have to give up everything to be the best mom in the world. I don’t believe that. I am not going to kill my sense of self to be the best mom. I am a great mom because I still have a sense of self.
I read a lot of articles that state about making sure you are spending the right amount of time with you children, so they don’t feel neglected. Give me a break. Mom Guilt again! Every family and child are different. You can spend all of your waking hours on them, and they will still turn out to be the person who they are supposed to be. Same goes for if I ignore them all the time. (Not recommending it but you catch my drift)
I had a hard childhood growing up. My mother was sick and passed when I was young. I had an absent father that thought of only himself. My grandmother raised me but she was controlling, and my grandfather was grumpy as well as a closet alcoholic. But as an adult, I chose to be the best person I can be. I decide to be me and follow my dreams and bring my family with me. My dream is my family, but it isn’t all about my family.
Knowing a little about how I grew up, I have dedicated my life to my son. But I also have dedicated my life to myself. I take care of myself, have a social life and hobbies. I work from home and still take the time to care for my family. I also show him that work is important and that I will be with him as soon as I am done working. I know he is watching me. I want to be his role model. To be true to yourself so you can take care of others.
I spend time with him, expose him to new things, fun places and teach him the world all the time. I am never too busy to listen and play. But, if I do my job correctly, he will be independent and off on his own. Then what do I do if my entire life was just him? I would be lost. I would need to reinvent the wheel that is my life. That is scary to me.
The purpose of this is to stress that your children are watching you. If you gave up on who you are you aren’t doing them any favors. They will not learn that there is life beyond their world. Those people are people with feelings, needs, wants, and dreams. You are to show them that you can be whomever you want to be even if your life changes. I will not martyr myself for my kids. I am their mother, role model, and guide. My life is not to serve them and kill my sense of self in the process.
We will survive!